Sunday, 07 December 2008
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Yet another path to set forth
Time has hastened at such a speed I can hardly believe; I already finished my 2nd year of med school. And yes, I excelled once again in this term. Unbelievable, I know! Yes, I religiously studied the way I used to but a tinge of lackadaisical now and then. The guilty conscience almost got me thinking I won’t be doing as well as I did for the past year. With God’s grace I made it this far and fortunate enough for my mum to yield this portion of achievement of mine.
Before my absent mindedness gets in the way, it is my deepest honour to thank the countless comforting words and a simple pat on the shoulder accompanied with an honest smile from my fellow friends after my emotional turbulence from my previous post. I was overwhelmed by the responses I have gotten from you all. But really, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and have your kind thoughts at heart to bring me through these hard times.
After that ultimatum, my mum’s condition has been looking up these days. Not improving but something the whole family can rejoice at, her comeback. It’s so easy to put a smile on my mum’s face these days. Maybe it’s just the amount of time I’m spending with her that makes her day. But, it’s a good start to spend my days with my mum. But no, my life with my mum isn’t a bed of roses, not at all. There are plenty of times where I just want to slump on the couch with a pair of ear muffs to shun out my mum’s calling. Every 30 minutes, she would call out unnecessary for a meaningless task. Just that is enough for me to blow my top off. Patience is virtue yadeeyaya but it gets me thinking, “What have I done to deserve this? And lotsa @#$@##$% to end with” Nevertheless, just the sound of my mother’s laughter is enough to justify those ordeals we have been through. Sigh, life is nothing but bitter sweet moments, eh?
Don’t want to be overly melodramatic but sigh, long distance relationship is real pain in the butt that is worthy enough to synonym with sodomy. It’s been two long years I ventured the world called love. As cliché as it sounds, I did found the meaning of love when I gotten myself involve with Brian. This little thing called love serves only two purpose. For starters, infatuation will bring me to the heavens above with prancing angels serenading at the background. Not to mention a handsome hunky Brian would be inching closer with every step and sweep me off from my damsel feet and my ever so slim figure with his oh-my strong arms.
The second purpose is when the relationship hits the middle peak, oh how that fantasy took a twisted turn. Love turned into reality then, I started wearing glasses. Lo behold! Brian was no more than a geeky male with a 6 foot frail frame (damnit, he weighs less than me!) who stuck by his computer’s side from winter to summer and who endlessly ask the same damn questions everyday. The famous:” oh, watcha doin now?” 5 minutes later, the same exact constructed sentence would come up again. Unbelievable I know! Call me inconsiderate and call this trivial but you should have seen his glued face on the webcam when he asked that, the exact zombie look you see in resident evil. If I had a shotgun at hand, I would blow his brains out. Well, that is exactly what I did when he asked that monotonous question the hundredth time, but not literally, just verbally.
Yes, the relationship has grown from exhilarating to dull. It almost felt as though we were in our golden years and have spent the last 40 years eating oats dripping off the corner of our mouth every single morning. Everyday we call each other on skype/msn and spend approximately 10 hours on the line not talking. Yes, you heard me right; we don’t talk on the phone. Queer as it sound but what we do is just meddle with our own things on the other side of globe whilst on the line. If we ever find anything interesting which is a rarity, we would announce to the other half like a newscaster on the 8o’clock news. Sound exciting to you? Gosh, you must be living in the 60s!
After countless quarrels of “you don’t love me like you used to” or “what do you mean by that?”. Our relationship has been one heckava ride of ups and downs. By the end of the ride, one would presumably ask sensibly to oneself.
Why should I continue on this demanding liaison with him?
Is it worth it all these tears and anger?
Is he the one for me?
Every single time I tried to break it up with him, he stands firm to the ground he would be waiting for me still without a single doubt at heart.
I tried starting the morning without his voice. Empty.
I tried keeping my mind occupied without his background noises in the evening. So quiet.
I tried sleeping without the lullabies he sings to me. Can’t sleep.
*yes, laugh all you want, its pretty damn funny and comforting when he lullabies me to sleep. And besides, he does it to cheer me up*
As clueless as I will always be, little by little I realised how love works. Yes, love does work in some funny way. When it comes to a point where lovey dovey words doesn’t just cut out anymore, I, now realise how much the love between me and him have grown so much.
As he cleverly puts it,” …is not how much words are said between us that determine our love-ship but all I need is to take comfort that you are the other side of globe whilst on the line with me.” A charmer with words I tell you, this Brian of mine. But what he say is true somehow, I really do take comfort by just the fact he is plain there. I often have silly nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night. Since we just keep the mic on, it was naturally come to me to call out, dear! He is the by far the worst comforter in this entire world but at times like this, his voice is just enough for me to fall back to bed peacefully without fearing any ghouls or devils nearby.
Now, that is what I call love. What say you?
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